What year is this anyway? Are we still standing people up?

So that's what it's going to be huh? Just a blatant stand up? I can't even get a page? A homing pigeon with a note tied to its claw? Pony express? Where is the mail man when you need him? Can I get a "1 62177 1772143 17". That's pager talk for "I can't make it". If you had a pager ever you know what I'm talking about. Just a bold faced stand up. Yep that's what we have become. I feel like we have digressed as a civilization. Socially that is. Cell phone, lap tops and motor cars are great but what about common courtesy? The Neanderthals had it pegged. "uggg...I need a mate". You know what they did when they had this thought? They went out and clubbed a chic in the beak and woke up with a pile of scrambled pterodactyl eggs in their lap. Pfffffft. Who's got the time machine? Stand ups? I thought that went out in the 80's with crack, bloods and crips, Phil Collins, friendship bracelets, Shawn Kemp (90's), Lou Al Cinder, WTF man!!

I’ve dealt with a few different breeds in my day from deuce to dime. I’ll tell you it's hands down deuces know how to treat a man with some Southern Hospitality. Sure they may be a little tough on the eyes but who cares when your popping like 8 Viagra’s a day just to get a semi and she can hook up the best hamburger helper a pallet can withstand. Unfortunately I just hit my prime and that's just not going to cut it. My mojo is kickin harder than Bruce Lee and Van Damm's off spring. Basically I'll just have to keep wearing these devastating blows until a damsel in distress recognizes a sir pipes a lot. If you don't know me my nick name is "pipes" so get your head out the gutter. If you ask me why I'll tell you. Otherwise beat it.



It won't be much longer until I'm in my twilight years with my mantle dusted piled with Oscar's. It's a kitten's whisker away. I'll know I’ve made it when I wake up in the morning and let Geeves know to escort the 3 dimes in my lair to their limo headed directly to the airport. "Hey Geeves...Make sure you treat them to your eggs Benedict on their way out. The one you make with the hollandaise sauce. Ya that's the one". Off you go dames. Thanks for coming.



Truth be told this is 90% fantasy because I don't plan on fighting crime in a cape any time soon but the message is still there. Really? Stand ups? Those still exist?

Truth is I'm an old fashioned fella raised by his dear ol ma that knows how to treat a "lady" as long as she is a "lady". Pretty few and far between it seems. Someone find me a leopard print pelt and a club stat!