Herbal Life Schmerbal LIFE!!!

Here is a link to the exact ad I responded to. http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/tfr/2201100933.html

If you read it it kind of sounds like they are auditioning for something maybe offering some sort of part time job in the health industry, something decent at least right? Way off! What a bunch of bull s$!t! So I email them like any normal person just inquiring to see what the deal was. Here is the email reply:
Hi David,

"Thank you for your interest in the available health and fitness positions with our wellness company. We have received many inquiries from a lot exceptional candidates. At this point, we have narrowed down our selection and have decided to hold a group interview orientation for our top candidates who were most qualified.

You were selected because your work/education background matched the criteria for our company. We also appreciate that your resume was well formatted – Nice Job!

Please reply to this email with a confirmation of the interview date and time that fits best with your schedule. The office address and interview dates are listed below."
dates times blah

"Please note: We are a Wellness Company and this interview is not an audition – this is an opportunity to work in Health and Nutrition.

We’re seeking candidates with the following attributes:
- Outstanding People / Customer Service skills
- Trainable, Dependable Leader (able to manage a team)
- Time Management and Punctuality
- Positive Attitude / Self Motivated
- Desire to work in Health and Fitness

This position offers:
- Great Flexibility
- Full Training
- Competitive pay (PT: $500-$3000; FT: $3,000 - $12,000+)
- Fast Promotion opportunities
- The ability to work at home or in the office"
Ok. So it's not an audition but sounds like a job that pays and you can work from home and make a decent income but doesn’t mention anything about multi level marketing, herbal life or having to be a d-bag MLM guy (already learned that lesson). So I drive from Los Feliz to Torrance about ehhh 15-20 miles away but there was traffic so it took like 45 minutes. I pull up to the address and just see Herbal Life all over this gigantic building and just think F$#K ME! Ok maybe it's not what it looks like right? Maybe they have some real positions to offer to people that can handle not drooling on themselves for a living. Nope I was wrong. I entered this really nice building and enter this really nice lobby and looked around at what seemed to be a petting zoo. Nope again these are all people here for the Herbal Life MLM rapid catapult to the stars! Score! If these 5 crack heads and 9 Asians that can barely speak English can do it why can't I! Hoooooraaaaayyyyy! My dreams have come true!

No. I waited around so I could give someone a piece of my mind at the end of this bullS&!t. I entered this conference room just buzzing with the most "I’ve seen the secret 9 times today alone" energy. Eff me again. Right away this d-bag that's like 6'6 walks up to me looking like Pao Gasol's even more retarded looking brother just pumped out his mind! "

-6"8 D-bag: Hey man you here for the interview!

-DJ: This isn’t an interview this is a sales pitch

-6"8 D-bag: Well ya I guess you can see it that way! Come on in let me introduce you around!

-DJ: Tight

-6"8 D-bag: So who invited you here tonight?

-DJ: Kelsey

-6"8 D-bag: Great let me introduce you to her

-Kelsey: Hey hows it going did you fill out the form (lead generation information cougher future spam provider form)

-DJ: ya I gave it to the Japanese guy when I came in moderately still thinking this wasn't this.

-Kelsey: Ok that's fine ill get it later. Did you bring a note pad? (I did but left it in the car)

-DJ: Yes I did (point at my dome)

-Kelsey: (smirks) let me get you something to write with. (Brings over an info cough up form and flips it over and hands me a clip board.

-DJ: Super

The meeting starts. Just a-hole after a-hole going on about “I’ve been on herbal life for 2 weeks and my cancer's all gone" A hole 2: "I’ve been on herbal life for 30 seconds and now I can take a shit again"! (That was at least 3 people's testimony.

Mind you at this point I drank one of their Alka-Seltzer tab beverages which I later read the back of the package when my foot started going 90MPH and it had about as much crack related ingredients as 3 rock stars. I thought "weird I only had a half glass of water to mix it with". So I’m flying and I still am. I actually wish I had some more to start my own meth/crack empire but I digress.

So the head haunch finally gets up to speak. They ask everyone to stand this guy has made like a bagillion gagillion herbal bucks and is the effing man. 6"8 Pao Gasol squirted a bit I think. I know he was wincing in excitement at least. So this a hole goes on about his struggling career as a keyboard player in numerous different rock bands and in-between gigs he would bartend on the side. His life was fun but just didn’t have that Herbal Life zest. Whatever I’m sure the guy is loaded. He had patent leather shoes on if that doesn’t say I command respect I can't help you.

Anyway the dude finally wrapped it up and this is when you are supposed to meet with your people that invited you in my case Abraham and Kelsey. Hey Abraham you know when I was sold? The part in your testimony when you told a room full of people Herbal Life allowed you to shit again on a daily basis. SIGN ME UP PAL! So rather than living the dream on multi level I hope people still respect me when I hit them up money (and I know about this Mona Vie got her crafty claws on me for a second. Still ashamed) I decided to B line it for the door. I was going to rip someone a new asshole but I just figured I had a long drive and I would just email this to Abraham when I got home:

"I don’t know what kind of bullshit ordeal you just had me come sit through and waste an evening on Abraham but that may have been the biggest waste of my time in 30 years. I’m thoroughly embarrassed for this company. Like this is how they are training people to get business? Send out fictitious looking ads on craigslist for the public to fall into your web of pyramid shaped lies? You people at Herbal Life officially suck more than every smurf hat wearing, scarf on when it's 90 out, Asian driving creeps on the planet. Thanks for nothing. I am reporting this ad to craigslist authorities and writing a yelp review longer than War and Peace.

You suck,

David


Not happy right now and my foot are still having acid flashbacks in tweak mode right now. Thanks for the elixir Herbal life. Probably didn’t think people were going to read the back of the alka seltzer package did ya!