We all know I'm a conceited, arrogant, lacking humility 6ft pile of douchebag but...

If you’re my real friend you know this is not the case. The people closest to me know I’m a down to earth, charismatic, self deprecating, loves his grandmother type of fella. For some reason I can’t seem to get anyone other than Pete and Corey to comment on blog. If I see another comment from Pete or Corey on my blog again I might only have a mild orgasm vs. hyper intense elation. I can’t tell you how pumped I get when I see people respond to my gold. Pete and Dubb…You guys are awesome and true pals.




Now let’s get down to business…its front street Fridays and I have a few things to get off my chest. Let’s start with Zac. I see this a hole on a daily basis and we share mountains of witty banter and good jested humor and I know for a fact he reads my blog. The issue I have is this prick can’t do me the courtesy of clicking a mouse on “interesting”, “cool”, or “funny”. Look man. I realize you’re a talented writer with a legit Emmy award under your belt but c’mon man? Help brotha out. Can I get a click? Can I get a “I’m with you on that pipes”. Nah! You can’t just surf the pipes wave of jokes and not contribute. I’m calling you out pal. This is where I the drivel gets boycotted and never read again by my boy. Don’t act like I don’t know you Z. I know all your tricks.

Erica. I have observed a comment or two from you and I think you have been responsible for a click or three which I can’t tell you how hot that makes you. When I see your comments I instantly think of you on the beach in Raquel Welch fashion. Just whipping your ginger braids around with effortless grace. Awesome! Here is the rub. I know you know people. I know you find some of my scribes entertaining but how many people have you exposed the drivel to? I need some exposure here. My career is in peril and I need to take a turn towards revengeville asap. I’m going to need you to a. Admit me into UCLA’s film school b. Find us some chic’s this weekend and c. Pump up the drivel!

Tye? Are you alive? OR did you get stabbed by a band of scraps roving in your neck of the woods? I see your hyper gangster “I wish my daddy loved me” picture on my page following my blog but where is the love man? Where are the witty jokes I know you’re holding out on? Remember 28th street? We had some good times man where you at.

With that said Im obviously begging for attention being shackled in my cave all day is overwhelming and I have never really lived alone plus I lack any humility and think my word is bond and that nobody should be deprived of my rants. So just go with your emotions and see where it takes you. It can’t hurt and in the words of Michael Jordan “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. By far my favorite quote ever that I may or may not say at some point in time daily. Thank you all I love you dearly please don’t hate me it’s just front street Friday and I’m in no mood for the cow shit. See below for the 10 steps to making a burrito your bitch.

10 steps to making a burrito your bitch.

1. Pound a minimum of 5-10 shots of tequila prior to engagement with the burrito. This is essential for gripping and shoveling into face.

2. Go to your local burrito peddler. If you have a burrito king nearby you’re in good shape but Carolina’s will suffice.

3. Walk up to sliding window and order your favorite tortilla stuffed Mexican delight.

4. Thank the lady in bright red lip stick and giant mole on her cheek and pay her your tender.

5. Sit at the nearest table next to the sliding window so no time is wasted between burrito readinesses and face shoveling.

6. Take your tequila induced lobster claws (hands) and UN wrap the burrito diaper. Make sure to crumple the burrito diaper and chuck it at the nearest bystander.

7. Grasp the burrito firmly and raise it towards you beak and commence shoveling. Side note. Do not grip to firmly as you will end up with a pile of burrito diarrhea on your plate and that’s not good for anybody

8. Bite into the burrito and hold it out in front of you and look at it like it owes you money. Make sure you have established dominance over the burrito first as they can be sassy and may react by pooping it’s guts out

9. Take a follow up bite and be sure to try and fit the whole thing in your mouth on this attempt. If you do not succeed just repeat this step in step 10.

10. See step 9.