My Oscar acceptance speech...I tip my cup.

First and foremost I would like to thank all of my ex girlfriends and every horse headed baseball coach that overlooked me. This dream would have never come to fruition without the motivation that was spawned by your giant head atop a little body and cutting me from the baseball team my senior year. I would not be here without the narcissistic mentality you forced into my life and tricked me to move to Southern California only to leave me high and dry months to follow. I raise my cup to you all. every manager in a position to determine my career that made the mistake of not hiring me your refusal is my chariot. I am humbled by those who have supported me to this day. You're ability to recognize greatness will not go unobserved. I bow to you who have selected me to encumber this honor. I realize this is the first of many naked gold man statues to come and I embrace the responsibility that comes with it. (Award show music) I’m not done here orchestra keep it down! Thank you endlessly over lookers and current nobody's. The siren song of your ignorance flows through my cerebellum daily only to ensure that I crush your hopes and dreams in return. To this day I have coveted the prestige that comes with being a member of the section championship team of CKM 98 then I realized that we live on earth and who gives a shit. The only good thing for me to come of this victory is the knowledge that C.C. Sabathia cried himself to sleep that night. Then he woke up today and realized he was a New York Yankee. To my exes who didn’t cling to the awesomeness that is me and hang on for dear life I could have never done it without you. Congrats on all the sex. And the Oscar goes to....Pipes...Oh my god I knew it!

(Orchestra)